A Rite of Passage

It feels so odd to be done.

Writing and studying took three years of my life in graduate studies, but I've been in post-secondary education since 1997.

I have steadily been learning for 12 years.

Now, I'm done.

So much stress, so much money, so much time and pressure, so many details, so many questions and now...nothing.

Sweet, sweet nothing.

I don't have any deadlines, no approvals, so meetings with committee members...I'm free.

So is my brain.

I'm taking fiction back :)

I have earned my M.A. and now, I can read anything I want for fun, for entertainment, for amusement, for pure joy.

Taking fiction back is a rite of passage.

One step forward, hurry up and wait.

He finally said it. He finally told me that September was NOT going to be feasible, that I would be lucky to get to defend the thesis by the 2nd week of October.

All this time, he has not answered my direct questions about September. Now I know why. Now I'm on the hook to pay for a whole extra semester just for the privilege of defending the thesis.

Grad school feels like extortion.

My positive spin will be, that Fall is my favourite season. That Fall is about the ending of one season and the beginning of another. That Fall is about finishing and then resting. Fall is about celebrating bounty with loved ones and friends. Fall is about giving thanks.

So, I will defend my thesis in October. (OK, make that November). I will finish the grad school phase of my life and move forward into a new phase of life. I will celebrate this rite of passage with my partner, my loved ones and my dearest friends. Tequila and I may break up. But not until after the celebration. I will celebrate the bounty of the Fall and give thanks.

Then, I will rest. My brain will hibernate until spring. In the spring, I can read anything I want. Yes, even FICTION.

Right now however, I must hurry up - and wait.

The road to success is mined with edits, changes and hate mail

I sent it.

I opened it today, I scanned it, I considered messing with it and realized I can't even SEE it anymore.

I have worked on it for hours on end, days in days out for months. I can't see the thesis for the data tables.

I decided to just send it to the Uber Supervisor.

It's May 1st, Beltaine, bonfire time. New beginnings, new growth.

I can't just hold onto the draft in perpetual fear that its not perfect for several reasons:
a) I like my sanity (fleeting though it may be)
b) I'm a perfectionist and no matter how hard I try, I can't achieve perfection
c) Uber-Supervisor is even more of a perfectionist than I am and I can't meet his expectations no matter how hard I try
d) There will be edits and changes from the WHOLE committee, not just Uber-Supervisor. May as well get them kick-started.

In the meantime, I'm going outside to celebrate the sun. To celebrate relieving the weight of the beta draft from my shoulders. I'm going to set aside the hamster wheel and let my shoulder rest.

I'm going to have a glass or two of sangria, light a wee bonfire and drink to the possibilities of edits, changes and future hate mail from my Uber-Supervisor.