Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Private Painter, a Painter for Money

Suddenly, I find myself a painter. A private painter. A painter for money. I'll paint what you want me to paint a la Tina Turner (but without the hot legs with restless leg syndrome).

What started out at painting something fun for a friend and being paid for supplies has suddenly become painting pet portraits and commissions.

Who saw this coming?  I didn't see this coming.  My dog probably did see it coming but got distracted by the red ball before he could give me the heads-up.

Now I have to figure out Paypal, buy supplies and get myself a shop on eBay.

Heaven preserve us. 

Note - I will not, under any circumstances - paint a velvet Elvis or flowery vulvas.

I'm not that kind of desperately out of work Gerontologist.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

...And Lo, There Was Disorientation

How does that quote go?  "Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the fire hydrant"? 

It's my turn to be the fire hydrant.

Two weeks ago this coming Monday, I was laid off from what I thought was my dream job.  A divine opportunity to develop as a professional.  A chance to really make a difference and create a niche for myself.  A chance to use all of the education and training I have gathered.

It really WAS that job.

Until it wasn't.

Now, I'm in that limbo.  That place of uncertainty where you question how you made yourself so expendable, so non-essential, so lay-offable.

It's in this limbo space that I find my self bruised and constantly checking out the corner of my eye for the next kick in the pants.  This experience has made me anxious - not just about now - but about the future.  I feel unsteady, like I'm standing on ground in the midst of a liquifaction.

With this unsteadiness, I find myself forced to look at pages where "experts" tell me how to buck up and suck it up and move on.  Sites which try to coach me.

Right now, I don't want a coach, I want a job.  I don't just want ANY job, I want a job where I use my education - all three degrees. 

I want a job where I count.  Where I make a difference.  Where I'm valued for my contribution.  Where I'm necessary.  Where I'm included.  Where I'm part of the future.

In the meantime, I'm hanging out with my dog.  He doesn't judge me.  To him, I count, make a difference, I'm valued, I'm necessary and I'm part of his future.

I'm no fire hydrant to my dog.