Friday, May 27, 2011

Between an Obstacle, a Roadblock and a Ganesh

Obstacles, Roadblocks and Detours surround me at the moment.  I haven't figured out why, but their presence is undeniable.

I had a mini-revelation yesterday, that my obstacles are stubborn like an elephant...which lead me to an image of the Hindu God, Ganesh - Lord of Success, Beginnings and Remover of Obstacles.

Can someone be both the source of, and the remover of, an obstacle? I think it's the same question about the devine residing both within you and being you.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end", or so the saying goes.

If I could just "see" the new beginning, I'd feel more confident in my ability to climb over the obstacles, roadblocks and detours.

Time to source out my own, inner Ganesh.

Image of Ganesha courtesy of marcuso and (see marcuso's digital gallery page here)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


The online Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Stasis as:
: a slowing or stoppage of the normal flow of a bodily fluid or semifluid: as a : slowing of the current of circulating blood b : reduced motility of the intestines with retention of feces
a : a state of static balance or equilibrium : stagnation b : a state or period of stability during which little or no evolutionary change in a lineage occur.

That's where I am. I'm in stasis.  I have stalled. I am in career and personal stagnation. I'm not evolving. I'm not growing. 

I'm not gaining any "experience" because you have to be hired to get experience but you can't get hired because you don't have the arbitrary numerical cutoff of requisite experience.  I am caught in an economic and job-related snake that eats it's own tail.  I am in a circular life event.

At least whirlpools eventually lead to the bottom of the ocean.  This is like being in a vacuum.
Did I put myself here? No.  At least, I don't think I did...but it seems as though the Universe has been hard at work realigning my footsteps so that I would wobble and fall off the path I had just found.

I thought I was past this point of groping in the dark, self-discovery, reinvention and perpetual striving to keep afloat.   

I have done everything right and I still find myself in the 99th percentile of my definition of success.

I know what I want. Stagnation isn't it. STASIS isn't it.

I feel like I'm staring at the sun, willing it to move.


What do I want?

I want a career where I make a difference to the health of the population of my province.  I want the opportunity to give back and make lives better, healthier, longer, add life to years as well as years to life.

I want to move to the Island and live in Sooke.  I want that before the close of 2011.

I want to feel like I have something to hold onto; something solid.  Not a person, but something I made.  

I want the sun to get the hell out of my way, because the more the Universe says no, the more entrenched I'm getting.

I want coaches and Pollyanna's to shove it.  I don't need sunshine and rainbows and cheers and smiley faces.  

I want opportunities for change. I want clear direction. I want a career that I busted my butt for, to start.

I want to be able to take myself and my partner on a well-deserved vacation - not to a free forestry camp site somewhere, but in another country, on another continent.

I tell you what...stasis can take a long walk off a short cliff into the Georgia Strait as far as I'm concerned.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Blockages, Roadblocks & Detours Build a Little Birdhouse In My Mind...

They have moved in; all three of them.  I didn't really prepare the guest room for them, but they've made themselves comfortable.  Looks like they will be here for a while.

All the best laid plans and education in the world can't prepare you for the kick to the pills that comes when the potential dream job for which you interviewed, email breaks up with you.

It's just so harsh. So cold. So digital for this analog heart...

All those dreams and imaginings of joyfully sharing the world that you traded up. Dreams of telling E.I. that you just don't need their help anymore.  Dreams of packing up and moving away to start the career you should have had from the start.  Dreams of showing that you got up, brushed off the humiliation of being laid-off from your FIRST dream job and went out there and did one better...they all got tossed out of my mind the moment I read the potential dream job break-up email.

Then? Vacuum...followed by the sounds of mini saws, hammers and steel toed boots constructing the official offices of Blockages, Roadblocks and Universal Detours.

They have moved in and built that little birdhouse in my mind.

I hope they don't poop on my head EVERY day.

There's a song for that (thanks to They Might Be Giants)...