Stasis

The online Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Stasis as:

: a slowing or stoppage of the normal flow of a bodily fluid or semifluid: as a : slowing of the current of circulating blood b : reduced motility of the intestines with retention of feces

2

a : a state of static balance or equilibrium : stagnation b : a state or period of stability during which little or no evolutionary change in a lineage occur.

That's where I am. I'm in stasis.  I have stalled. I am in career and personal stagnation. I'm not evolving. I'm not growing. 

I'm not gaining any "experience" because you have to be hired to get experience but you can't get hired because you don't have the arbitrary numerical cutoff of requisite experience.  I am caught in an economic and job-related snake that eats it's own tail.  I am in a circular life event.


At least whirlpools eventually lead to the bottom of the ocean.  This is like being in a vacuum.

Did I put myself here? No.  At least, I don't think I did...but it seems as though the Universe has been hard at work realigning my footsteps so that I would wobble and fall off the path I had just found.

I thought I was past this point of groping in the dark, self-discovery, reinvention and perpetual striving to keep afloat.   


I have done everything right and I still find myself in the 99th percentile of my definition of success.


I know what I want. Stagnation isn't it. STASIS isn't it.


I feel like I'm staring at the sun, willing it to move.


MOVE DAMN YOU.


What do I want?


I want a career where I make a difference to the health of the population of my province.  I want the opportunity to give back and make lives better, healthier, longer, add life to years as well as years to life.


I want to move to the Island and live in Sooke.  I want that before the close of 2011.


I want to feel like I have something to hold onto; something solid.  Not a person, but something I made.  


I want the sun to get the hell out of my way, because the more the Universe says no, the more entrenched I'm getting.


I want coaches and Pollyanna's to shove it.  I don't need sunshine and rainbows and cheers and smiley faces.  

I want opportunities for change. I want clear direction. I want a career that I busted my butt for, to start.

I want to be able to take myself and my partner on a well-deserved vacation - not to a free forestry camp site somewhere, but in another country, on another continent.

I tell you what...stasis can take a long walk off a short cliff into the Georgia Strait as far as I'm concerned.